These past few weeks have been really rough. Tears have been my constant companion and I do everything I can to avoid the wrestling within my head and my heart. I can’t begin to explain the weight of transitions that are happening in my life. Between starting a new job, moving homes, ending relationships, and physical attacks on my family I am drained. It has been a long time since I have been this emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. Today I just wanted to lie down in my bed and sleep until the storms of life have passed. It’s not often that I literally want to check out, but I can say that I was there today and in many ways am still there. I know there is a lot I need to process, but I can’t seem to know where to begin. I am angry, sad, grieving, and just down right tired of members of my family being sick or injured. When this year began I felt like good things were coming – I pray this is the storm before the calm because to put it bluntly I haven’t seen that happen. At the end of June a friend of mine was praying for me and stated that he saw a boat anchored in the ocean. The ocean waves were fierce and the boat was being thrown to and fro pretty roughly. He said that my anchor was the Lord and no matter how bad the waves got to trust in that anchor. As reassuring as that should be right now I just need the waves to stop.
