Permission to feel

I have recently been reading this book by Matthew Elliott titled feel: the power of listening to your heart. The theme of the book is understanding the Bible’s teaching on emotions. I have been blessed to have had solid teaching on feelings/emotions in the past, but I still tend to operate out of the traditional teaching of the church. For many of us we have been taught that feelings are bad and are things we should learn to control. Emotional outpourings are only appropriate in socially accepted situations (weddings, funerals, etc.) and even then what is deemed appropriate is limited. We are also taught that the love and joy mentioned in the Bible are a choice not an actual feeling. So we must choose to love those around us or choose to feel joy in our trials. But how untrue!!! Our Father is teeming with real emotion! He truly LOVED us so much that he sent his only Son to die. And because he is a God that loves and feels emotions passionately -- and we are his children created in his image -- he created us to FEEL! Really feel!

I am in no way, shape, or form doing justice to Elliott’s book, but the teachings inside have been profound and truly made me think about how I view emotions and how that has impacted my view of Jesus.

I want to share part of the book that rocked my world today. (The beauty of being snowed in = time to read!) Elliott was talking about the passage in James (1:2-4) where it states “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

So we should consider it joy, when troubles comes….. which I have learned means that we should choose to be joyful even when we don’t feel it.

But listen to Elliott’s response (p.102-103):

"Here’s the thing: It is easier to believe that joy in hard times has nothing to do with our feelings. It is easier to obey the command of Jesus to love our enemies if loving has nothing to do with God really changing our hearts. The Christian life is easier to conduct when it is separated from real emotional heart change.

Emotional transformation is hard, and for most people it’s easier to avoid it. Why?

I think in part it’s a lack of faith – faith that God is big enough to provide for us the fully emotionally spiritual life he promises. When we keep God in the realm of rational thought, separate from other parts of our lives, we don’t have to test his greatness. When we make our spiritual lives dependent on our duties and lists, we don’t have to trust God to be as awesome as he claims he is or trust him to do hard things like give us real joy in suffering.

By barring God from the real emotional places of our lives, we rob him of his power. It’s as if we tell him, “God you won’t do this in my life, I just know you won’t. I can’t have joy in this difficult tragedy. You won’t be big enough to bring me to a place of contentment. I’m afraid you’ll disappoint me or fail me, and I can’t take that chance.” In this, we keep God small.

There is great sin here – the sin of denying that God is powerful enough to break through our greatest struggles and trails – the prisons of our daily lives – and lead us out singing, with uplifted hand and full-hearted joy.

So it is harder to have the Big Faith that God can bring real emotional joy through pain. And it’s hard to believe that in our very moments of struggle, our lives can be more emotionally alive than we have ever felt before.

Yet, this is what God is promising us.”

May the Father grant us a life teeming with emotions – for you have permission to Feel. And may that feeling be another avenue to his presence and his glory! For only he could provide us true joy in the midst of pain.

Teacher

I love the fact that our Father loves to teach – and not only that He loves it, but He is brilliant at it! As I continue to walk through life here in Nashville I have been blown away by the lessons that the Father pours out. I remember this moment I had prior to leaving Tuscaloosa when I asked the Lord “What I am going to do when I don’t have my mentors and pastors in my life anymore?” He calmly and gently replied “Rachele, all knowledge in heaven and earth comes from me. Don’t you realize that the truths and lessons that you have learned from these men and women came because of my revelation? These men and women have been effective because they have allowed themselves to be used. Do not fear. One of two things will happen: (1) I will provide another teacher or (2) I will teach you myself.” WOW! Needless to say I was humbled by this proclamation from the Lord. How quickly I forget the One who created the knowledge and wisdom that I hold dear! So whether through the revelation of other people or through the Father himself I will be posting some lessons that I have learned and some I am still thinking through. May He continue to bless us with his presence and draw near to our desperate hearts!

Nashville: A Weekend Adventure

As my time left in T-town comes to a close it has become harder and harder to leave the city – even for a couple days! This weekend I had to make an obligatory trip to Nashville to be fingerprinted in order to start my internship in August. I was excited about visiting the city since I had not been here since I interviewed back in January. So on Thursday I began my weekend adventure. Here are the highlights of my time here thus far…

One thing I have really missed is living in a big city because of the wealth of opportunities it affords; Nashville is no exception. This weekend I was able to check out some great local restaurants, visit two farmers markets, experience the largest arts and craft festival of the year in Centennial Park, and sign up for some cooking classes! I love the fact that there will always be something to do here! When I lived in New Orleans a friend of mine and I had what we called “Sunday Fun Day.” Cheesy I know, but it was a reminder to us of the amazing city we lived in and the vast amount of cultural opportunities that were at our fingertips. I hope to reinstate this tradition when I get to Nashville, and really make an effort to do one cultural/entertainment/learning experience once a week. That is one of the regrets I had when leaving NOLA was not taking more advantage of the opportunities – I hope to rectify that in TN.

Another major event of the weekend was seeing my new residence for the first time. The Lord absolutely provided me with a place to live! It is such a cool story, but the short version is that my college roommate (and one of my very best friends) ended up buying a house in Nashville and invited me to be her roommate. Amazing and a total answer to prayer! So I was eager to see my new digs and to paint my room. The painting turned out to be a major fail, but I love the house and am eager to move my stuff in so it feels more like home. Living with someone is also going to be a different experience for two reasons: (1) moving into someone else’s house instead of your own makes for different expectations and (2) neither of us have had a roommate in 4 years! I am thankful that we have lived together before, but it will definitely be a time of readjustment.

Directionally challenged….. that’s putting my skills nicely. My sweet brother refers to me as “wrong way Rachele.” Loving I know. But the reality is that I am terrible with directions. It usually takes me about a year to get really oriented in a city (the approximate length of my contract….), and I continue to think that the GPS system was sent straight from Heaven… But I am hoping that things will be different in Nashville! It may sound silly, but I am literally praying that the Lord will increase my navigation skills and orientation to direction! Especially since my job consists of a lot of driving to and from schools. I mapquested my schools and each are approximately 35 minutes away from the house…. so this will afford a LOT of car time – which means lots of time to pray for my directional skills. (Not sure directional is a word…. But it is now.) I feel like this will be one of the major challenges with moving, and I am praying the Lord will have grace. So I pray that the Lord’s answer comes quickly because I still feel very disoriented in this city. But at least I can usually find my house! And I do mean usually!

So all in all the weekend has been a good one so far. I am going to visit my first church in Nashville tomorrow, and to be honest I am very nervous. I didn’t expect to feel this nervous, but then again I didn’t expect to feel much of the emotions that seem to be bubbling underneath the surface. I really am excited to see what this city will hold and what the Lord has in store for my new church, but at the same time it is increasingly hard to realize what I am leaving behind. As I read that statement back I realize how much I am trying to remind myself to be excited. But then again I think that is part of the process of leaving – the feeling in your gut that this is crazy and scary, but the reassuring hand that is holding yours whispering that this is His plan and that everything will be ok. So I choose to rest in the knowledge that God brought me to this city, and will make a way where things seem unsure. God being true to his character; how much I love that about Him.

I Hope You Know How Much You Mean To Me...

I was hanging out with a dear friend of mine tonight, and experienced one of those moments where the rug literally got ripped out from under me. In one moment, the peace, laughter, and happiness that filled the room dispersed; I was left trying to gasp a single breath and not knowing whether to scream, cry, or just lash out. As I was processing through what occurred I realized how much I am in the process of grieving. I officially move to Nashville in five weeks. For many people this may seem like light years away, but you would be surprised how quickly time flies when you are doing everything in your power to hold onto it. It is literally like attempting to hold water in your clenched fist; before you know it, it is all but gone.

The process of grieving is a strange one. Emotions flood at times when you are least expectant, and a small situation can send me in a landslide of every emotion I have tried to avoid for the last week. Yet, I have been reminded that I am not in the process of grieving alone. Each person that remains in Tuscaloosa that are a piece of my life will be affected when I am gone. For some it will cause only a tiny ripple, and for others hours of their week will be left vacant. This can seem like a vain perception, but when you have invested in people and come to love each one of them, it is impossible for both sides not to be effected. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing place to grow and minister while in Tuscaloosa. I give Him all the glory and honor for any positive effect that I have had while in this city. It is only by Him and through Him that I have gotten to a place of healing and I pray that His hand has been seen in my life. But, me writing this is not about my small impact, but the huge impact my church family and friends have had on my life these past two years.

Two years ago when I moved to Tuscaloosa, I was extremely hurt and extremely broken. Although my façade was well placed, one look into my eyes revealed a depth of pain that I wasn’t able to verbalize. My prayers were spoken through tears. I remember calling a long time friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in two years and saying “Please have grace on me. I am not the person I was in college.” Brokenness changes a person, and at the moment I was wandering. But, in the midst of all that I knew there was one thing I could count on – Jesus was with me. In the first few weeks I prayed for a place of healing and a place of rest. Little did I know Jesus was about to once again exceed my expectation.

The story of how I came to VCC is for another posting, but I cannot tell you the life this place has created within me. My earnest prayer is that each and every person is able to experience the community that I have experienced. Regardless of what life threw my way, this group of people walked with me. I have never experienced a place that was so desperate to see people find healing and contentment in the Lord. A place where Scripture is not simply verses in a book, but words that are supposed to direct your life and how you view the world. This church family has fought for me, prayed for me, and cried with me. It is a place where failure was accepted because it was an opportunity for growth and learning. Encouragement runs within these peoples’ very veins – they will call forth giftings and callings that the Lord has instilled in your heart, but have not been uttered from your lips.

The women of the church have been incredibly impactful. Each one has opened up her home and offered me opportunity to see what it means to serve her husband, her children, and/or her friends. These women are fulfillment of prayers I prayed years ago. My journals are filled with prayers for women who would burn with passion for the Lord and would create a place for His renown. He answered above and beyond my wildest dreams. The Lord hears our prayers and is diligent to answer them in the time that He deems appropriate! How thankful I am that He answered my prayer with each of these women! I wish I could state each of their names, but I know that as they read this that the Lord will show them the impact they have had! I bless His name, because of you. Your life has brought life, healing, and teaching, and I am forever grateful.

When I look back on my time in Tuscaloosa I see a full life. I never expected these two years to bring such fulfillment, healing, and joy. But then again when life takes a turn we don’t expect – what do we really know? I challenge each of you, regardless of your circumstances, embrace where the Lord has you, and you will find abundant life!

So I prepare to leave Tuscaloosa having much more to grieve. I am so glad that I serve a God who provides for me. I know that my life in Nashville will have much to live up to because of the authentic and rich people I have met here. I love you all and your absence in my everyday life will leave a hole you cannot imagine. But, I will continue to praise the Lord because of you. And as I hope to touch lives in Nashville for His glory, know the ripple effect your life is having; for the only reason I can serve Him as I do is because the impact you have had on my life.

I love you guys and gals, and I pray that I get to thank you each individually before I leave!

Church Shopping: The Journey Begins

Thus far in thinking about my move to Nashville I have done a pretty good job of ignoring the fact that I am actually moving. As my friends and I have come to realize, it is easier to live in denial and simply ignore the fact that my days in T-town are slowly drawing to a close. Today as I was visiting Tuscaloosa Vineyard’s satellite campus (a.k.a. Panera Bread) I ran into my Pastor and we had an interesting conversation pertaining to my finding a church in Nashville. Up until this point I have not given much thought to finding a church – I simply was going to trust the Lord would provide. Although I still heavily rely on His direction I also know that there are many aspects to consider when looking for a church. So at the request of Jon I will detail my endeavors in church shopping.

The first step in any good decision making process is understanding what you want. Hmmm… that is much easier said than done. When talking to Jon today he described the process of church shopping like dating. I though this was an interesting comparison and although I am not one to get excited about “what could be an impending disaster” I understand the logic. So I have decided to catch hold of this analogy and discuss four main ways that church shopping is similar to dating.

Principle One: Looks Can Be Deceiving
When looking for a potential date (or church) we are often wooed by the one that looks the best. Whether we like to admit it or not – how an individual looks can be a make or break moment, and this is the same with a church. The image or look of a church is the first thing one encounters as you do the drive by. The drive by consists mainly of finding the church for the first time in hopes that you will not be too late on Sunday (this is especially essential for those of us who are directionally challenged). The look of a church is just that – the outside image with no telling of what you will actually encounter when opening the door. The reality is that although a church can look inviting and promising from the outside – it is the people that are located on the inside that matter. So in my quest for a church I will strive not to be swayed simply by the church building or location.

Principle Two: Judging a Date by Their Facebook Page is Silly, and so is Judging a Church by Their Website!
Although many people tout that this is the best way to “check out” a potential church I would just like to state that any church can pay for a nice website design. So actually the website is more of a representation of a church’s PR skills and where they choose to place there money, rather than the quality of the church. Therefore we should use the church website the same way we should use a potential date’s Facebook page – a good resource for some basic information.

Principle Three: Know Your Non-Negotiables
One of the most important principles I have learned about dating relationships is that you have to know your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are considered those elements that the individual you date has to have and if they don’t….. well, no dates for them. Now some people take this to the extreme and detail lists of approximately 120 arbitrary items (i.e. tall, blue eyes, has to own three pink shirts and know the lyrics to at least two John Mayer songs, etc.), that is not the list I am talking about. Non-negotiables are a handful of items, literally no more than five, that are make it or break it items (i.e. has to love Jesus). I find this principal really important when it comes to churches as well. If any of us were to “create” a church that was perfect for us it would probably include a long list of things that were important, but not essential to an effective church. So therefore when church shopping non-negotiables should also be established. I haven’t quite decided what mine are, but I am pretty sure important doctrinal issues would be placed in this area.

Principle Four: You Don’t Really Know Someone After One Date
The beauty of dating is that it affords an opportunity for two people to get to know each other without having to make an immediate life long commitment. In the same way ,I feel like there is a “dating” time period when it comes to church selection. I strongly believe that every individual on the dating scene when meeting someone news makes an almost immediate determination about their potential to be a romantic interest. For those who are placed in the potential category if the stars align there is an opportunity for a first date. The first date in fact tells a lot about the individual, just as a first visit to a church speaks of their style in preaching, worship, ministry, etc. Now unless the first date goes extremely bad there is usually an openness to a second date. I feel this is the same premise we should take when church shopping. One Sunday is not going to tell you everything about how the church operates. I hope that when I encounter a church I like in Nashville I will give it a trial “dating” period before have the DTR talk about commitment.

So there you have it…. Dating and Churches, more in common than one may have initially thought! I am interested to hear feedback since just today this topic has led to many interesting conversations (some of which I hope to blog about here). Be blessed!