Thus far in thinking about my move to Nashville I have done a pretty good job of ignoring the fact that I am actually moving. As my friends and I have come to realize, it is easier to live in denial and simply ignore the fact that my days in T-town are slowly drawing to a close. Today as I was visiting Tuscaloosa Vineyard’s satellite campus (a.k.a. Panera Bread) I ran into my Pastor and we had an interesting conversation pertaining to my finding a church in Nashville. Up until this point I have not given much thought to finding a church – I simply was going to trust the Lord would provide. Although I still heavily rely on His direction I also know that there are many aspects to consider when looking for a church. So at the request of Jon I will detail my endeavors in church shopping.
The first step in any good decision making process is understanding what you want. Hmmm… that is much easier said than done. When talking to Jon today he described the process of church shopping like dating. I though this was an interesting comparison and although I am not one to get excited about “what could be an impending disaster” I understand the logic. So I have decided to catch hold of this analogy and discuss four main ways that church shopping is similar to dating.
Principle One: Looks Can Be Deceiving
When looking for a potential date (or church) we are often wooed by the one that looks the best. Whether we like to admit it or not – how an individual looks can be a make or break moment, and this is the same with a church. The image or look of a church is the first thing one encounters as you do the drive by. The drive by consists mainly of finding the church for the first time in hopes that you will not be too late on Sunday (this is especially essential for those of us who are directionally challenged). The look of a church is just that – the outside image with no telling of what you will actually encounter when opening the door. The reality is that although a church can look inviting and promising from the outside – it is the people that are located on the inside that matter. So in my quest for a church I will strive not to be swayed simply by the church building or location.
Principle Two: Judging a Date by Their Facebook Page is Silly, and so is Judging a Church by Their Website!
Although many people tout that this is the best way to “check out” a potential church I would just like to state that any church can pay for a nice website design. So actually the website is more of a representation of a church’s PR skills and where they choose to place there money, rather than the quality of the church. Therefore we should use the church website the same way we should use a potential date’s Facebook page – a good resource for some basic information.
Principle Three: Know Your Non-Negotiables
One of the most important principles I have learned about dating relationships is that you have to know your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are considered those elements that the individual you date has to have and if they don’t….. well, no dates for them. Now some people take this to the extreme and detail lists of approximately 120 arbitrary items (i.e. tall, blue eyes, has to own three pink shirts and know the lyrics to at least two John Mayer songs, etc.), that is not the list I am talking about. Non-negotiables are a handful of items, literally no more than five, that are make it or break it items (i.e. has to love Jesus). I find this principal really important when it comes to churches as well. If any of us were to “create” a church that was perfect for us it would probably include a long list of things that were important, but not essential to an effective church. So therefore when church shopping non-negotiables should also be established. I haven’t quite decided what mine are, but I am pretty sure important doctrinal issues would be placed in this area.
Principle Four: You Don’t Really Know Someone After One Date
The beauty of dating is that it affords an opportunity for two people to get to know each other without having to make an immediate life long commitment. In the same way ,I feel like there is a “dating” time period when it comes to church selection. I strongly believe that every individual on the dating scene when meeting someone news makes an almost immediate determination about their potential to be a romantic interest. For those who are placed in the potential category if the stars align there is an opportunity for a first date. The first date in fact tells a lot about the individual, just as a first visit to a church speaks of their style in preaching, worship, ministry, etc. Now unless the first date goes extremely bad there is usually an openness to a second date. I feel this is the same premise we should take when church shopping. One Sunday is not going to tell you everything about how the church operates. I hope that when I encounter a church I like in Nashville I will give it a trial “dating” period before have the DTR talk about commitment.
So there you have it…. Dating and Churches, more in common than one may have initially thought! I am interested to hear feedback since just today this topic has led to many interesting conversations (some of which I hope to blog about here). Be blessed!
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